Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
