How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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