Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
