God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
