Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
