i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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