Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
