I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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