I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
