This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
