Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
