My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
