I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
