Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
