Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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