And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
ttyl tear gas
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
