The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I wish there were birth control emojis
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
