Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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