R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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