i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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