omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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