Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
