I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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