He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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