so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
