anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
