i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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