No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
