Can i not drive my cunt home
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
