u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
