Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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