PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
