Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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