i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
