omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
