My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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