We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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