Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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