a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
