Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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