i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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