I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
