i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
