I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
