While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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