dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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