Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Everclear isn't food dammit
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
