i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
