like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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