Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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