two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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