I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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