You smell like a Billy Joel song
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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