i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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