the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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